reflecting on 2025
mon 22.12.25
tag: rambling
when i look back at the goals i set myself with this year has been... not so great overall? more negatives than positives if i'm being honest. bad habits were resurfacing, depression and burnout were in full swing, i never felt so drained by everything and seeing the world grow worse with hate and fcking ai in everything. it felt worse being online and yet i still myself addicted as a form of escape. i still can't get it together while others continue to progress (it's hard to be honest and face the truth of it all, it eats away at me and i feel the judgment from others). i'm much aware of my flaws, and i know it's not a straightforward journey to resolve them, but i acknowledge them and i know i need to put in more effort.
i'd rather not try to focus too much on the negatives, and would like to think about the positives that have come out of this year:
- getting to finally meet some online friends from work (W and V) and via streams (T, O and A). didn't expect this to happen but i'm glad it did.
- finally went whale watching for the first time. maybe i'll do it again next year, or try some other water activity like scuba diving.
- being a bit more open S about myself. i've still got so much to improve on for this but small steps are better than none at all.
- commiting to weekly swimming. i started swimming again back in early feb but it took a moment for the rhythm to set in. i keep telling myself it's one of the only exercises i don't hate doing so i have to stick to it, and it worked (most of the time). just need to keep at it.
- does taskmaster count as a positive? haha it's been a while since i got so interested in a new show and taskmaster has been such a joy to experience throughout the entire year. getting to be part of the audience during a live recording for AU was a highlight.
i can't help but feel that 2026 will continue to have its challenges, especially with work. deep down i know the environments i have put myself in has brought a lot of stress and depression within me. and i know i can't just leave it all without having a backup plan (and that plan and yet to formulate...). being online has also been crappy and i know i need to detach myself from it more, i need to be less digital. it's not like i had much of an onlnie presence to being with. i need more hobbies outside of digital man.
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